Me, A Stay-At-Home Mom?

Lexie at 7 weeks

I never thought it would happen, but I’m starting to see why some women decide not to go back to work and stay home with their babies. No, I’m not having second thoughts about going back to work, and I’m not sure how much of an option staying home with Lexie would really even be for me. But shockingly to probably everyone I know and most of all to me, I can see how it could happen.

The first few weeks of taking care of Lexie left me with no doubts that not only was going back to work still the absolute only decision for me, but it would be a welcome respite from the constant, exhausting challenges of newborn care. I even thought, more than once, that if I didn’t know that my stay-at-home period was temporary, I might really start getting depressed about the long weeks and months stretching ahead.

But as Lexie has settled down, started cooing and smiling, and continued to show off her sweet, determined little personality, I’m starting to … I don’t want to say “dread” going back to work, but I’m not looking forward to it with the desperation I thought I would after seven weeks at home. And I’ve learned (on the most introductory level) how busy and full the stay-at-home life can be. Plus, after spending every day with Lexie and getting to see every bit of her progress (briliant child that she is, of course), it’s hard to imagine missing so much of it being away 9 or 10 hours a day.

Yes, everyone says over and over (annoyingly, I might add) how fast the time goes when they’re this little, but the warp speed of the days is unbelievable. It’s not just that I’m not sitting around bored or weighed down by the montony of it all like I thought I would, though that’s part of it. It’s that in general, I’ve been really happy lately.

The thing is, it’s all coming together. There was a day last week where I was rocking Lexie to sleep in the living room one afternoon, looking out the window at the sunny patio of my still-a-work-in-progress suburban house and I thought, “Is this where I thought I’d be now back when I was footloose and fancy free in my 20s with everything still ahead of me?” But instead of feeling the wistfulness for our old life I sometimes feel or any hint of sadness or regret, I felt real contentment. I don’t want to be out on the town every night, or working 80-hour weeks at some high-prestige, high-stress job, or even traveling around the world (though a jaunt here and there would be just fine).

The answer to my question was Yes. Yes, this is where I’ve always seen myself: the house, the wonderful husband, the adorable daughter. It’s not a unique dream, or a sexy one, but it’s always been mine.

Is there nothing left to pursue, to hope for, to accomplish? Absolutely not. Who knows what else lies ahead for me, both personally and professionally? But what I’m realizing is that having Lexie wasn’t just about scratching the next item off the list of my life plan (baby? check!) and then moving forward. I’m discovering, predictably, a whole new part of myself. A mother. And hell if I don’t want to soak in it a little longer.

The Nanny Quest

“Available: Experienced, loving nanny for long-term position. After earning my degree in early child development and opening a renowned daycare center, I decided to pursue a career in pediatric nursing and worked in that field for 3 years. I’ve since decided to return to my original love, caring for children, and would love to find a job looking after 1 to 3 children. Skills: CPR, healthy cooking, potty training, fun/educational games. Location: Northwest suburbs.”

Okay, I know I’m living in a dream world, but if anyone does see an ad that reads like this, please pass it on!!

It’s kind of daunting to think about how to go about finding the best person out there to care for your tiny, helpless baby for 40-50 hours a week. In theory, that person would be me, though I’ve discussed a little bit on here why I never really planned to go the stay-at-home mom route.

Still, I’m glad that if it can’t be me, we’re at least to be able to get the individual attention a nanny can give (compared to a larger daycare, anyway). I also feel good about sharing the nanny with Laurie and Jeff – I know they’ll be as vigilant about working hard to find the right person as we’ll be, and the experience they bring to the equation from their previous childcare experiences over the past five years will be a big help in the process as well.

We me the other week to discuss a few more details about how the whole thing will work. Besides figuring out where to look for potential candidates – craigslist? a reputable-but-pricy agency? sitterycity? nannies4hire? care.com? – we also had to decided basics like how many hours a week we need (50 – sounds like a lot but with 8-hour workdays plus driving time it adds up) and what times, how to handle sick days (ours, the kids, and the nanny’s), what we want the nanny to do besides actually watch the kids (prepare meals? clean? laundry?) and how to handle the business end of things i.e. a contract, vacation time, taxes and a background check.

We decided that we’d each put together two lists of interview questions for potential nannies – one for initial phone screens and another for more in-depth, in-person interviews. We’ve already got a good start because a friend of Laurie’s who just hired her nanny emailed over her fairly comprehensive question list as a reference. It’s a good place to start. A lot of the nanny agencies and other sites offer their own templates online as well, so that should be helpful. (Seriously, could you imagine life without the Internet? It boggles the mind).

If anyone experienced in this arena has good advice on what to ask that we might not think of or come across on the general lists, I’d love to hear it! Wish us luck!