One Thing I’m Sick of Hearing …

We went out with some friends on Saturday night whose son just turned one, and they told us that the thing they found most annoying when they were pregnant was all the people telling them, “Your life is going to completely change.” Well, I’ve had people tell me that, too, and it will probably get old given that it’s kind of a no-brainer, but that’s not the comment that’s been bugging me. What bugs me is the women – usually older but not always – who tell you that when THEY were pregnant, they didn’t worry about all that stuff like not having caffeine or avoiding undercooked meats and unpasteurized cheeses, and their kids turned out JUST FINE.

It just sounds so smug and superior, like they’re thinking, “Oh, why do these pregnant women today have to make such a big fuss and make a big deal out of every little thing?” I have a lot of different responses to this way of thinking, the first of which is that everyone does what they’re comfortable with and what their own doctor advises. Some (like me) give up caffeine but still have a caffeine-free Diet Coke or two a day even though it has artificial sweeteners (which the American Pregnancy Association says is just fine, by the way). Others can’t give up their caffeine but avoid artificial sweeteners. Some eat deli meat, some don’t (my doctor said that’s fine, too). Some, heaven forbid, avoid bacon for their entire pregnancies! BUT — to each her own, I say.

My second response is to those who say things like, “Well, I’ve never heard of anyone I know getting listeria or salmonella.” Well, that’s probably because first of all, you’re unlikely to contract either of those things if you’re not pregnant or don’t have another condition that’s weakening your immune system. And second of all, maybe you’re not hearing about pregnant women having trouble with these diseases because they’re all avoiding unsafe foods!

My third response is that while your child might not have come out with three eyes or other obvious health problems, there’s no telling what afflictions, small or big, can be traced back in some way to what you did or didn’t do during pregnancy. Now again, I’m not suggesting that everyone needs to be the pregnancy police and that all pregnant women need to avoid just about everything to make absolutely sure that their child is perfect. Because that’s not going to happen, and you certainly can’t control everything. My point is just that maybe there’s a reason that you haven’t thought about that explains why your child has asthma, or reproductive problems, or is smaller than most of the other kids their age. Maybe those things have nothing whatsoever to do with anything you did, but maybe they do, so hold off on patting yourself on the back just yet.

So to sum up my little rant, to all those current parents who can’t help but share how proud they are that they didn’t change their behavior at all during pregnancy, maybe next time you can just bite your tongue. You can still shake your head and talk about how silly I’m being after I leave.