Of Baby Brain, Nannies and other Miscellany

I locked myself in my pants today. Seriously. I was literally stuck in my khakis.

It was the rubber-band trick that got me. I figured I’d wear these non-maternity khakis since they’re one of the two pairs of pre-pregnancy pants I can still get over my butt, where apparently half of my pregnancy weight is going, and my stomach, where the other half is (more understandably) showing up.

So it’s mid-morning and I make one of my many trips to the bathroom, but instead of unwinding the rubber band from around the button of my pants I somehow keep winding it around instead, and I keep doing it until it’s so tightly wrapped around it that there’s no way I can get it untangled. I actually had to leave the bathroom and cut it off. I blamed it on baby brain, since I obviously just wasn’t thinking during what should have been a fairly mindless task.

In other (better) news, I know I wrote recently about the challenges of researching good daycare. That whole issue was made even more frightening the other day when that news story came out about the 22-year-old local daycare worker who killed an 18 month old when she literally slammed him to the floor because she was frustrated with him. How utterly horrifying is that? I know a girl who actually considered that very same place for her son, who is the same age, and she was incredibly shaken by the story. Any parent would be. I mean, it’s hard enough to send your child into a stranger’s care, but many, many families don’t have a choice but to do just that, and then you hear about something like this.

Of course, even with a nanny you aren’t completely escaping that problem. But when you’re picking a nanny, the search and interview process is much more about the person herself (or himself, I suppose, but let’s be realistic here) than about the place, which is where most of the research for daycare centers focuses. I bring up the nanny thing because the other night out of the blue, Laurie called and said she and Jeff have decided not to send their girls back to his sister for another year after all. They’re going to get a nanny instead, which puts our old idea of nanny sharing back on the table.

I’m excited about it for a lot of reasons. First, because the attention is much more personal, and the kids would be at ours or their house rather than somewhere that could be farther away. Also, they can do personalized outings, there won’t be a room full of kids who will be getting sick all the time, and the kids can all get to know their cousins (well, as much as an infant can “know” people, I suppose).

So the four of us are going to get together next Friday and talk details: how it might work, what kind of person we’d want to find, what hours we’d want them to cover, and of course, how the finances would work. We touched on this a little in our initial conversation. On one hand you could say they should pay 2/3 and we should pay 1/3 because they have two kids and we’ll have one. But one of their girls will be in kindergarten half the day. And babies demand a different level of care. But babies also spend a lot of time sleeping. And so on. The four of us have a very good relationship so I think these discussions will go smoothly, but I hope it doesn’t end up being the kind of thing that we could eventually fight about. Laurie has a very strong personality, but then, so can I. So we’ll see. Nothing’s definite, but I’m excited about it.

In other news, we had a doctors’ appointment this morning. Now that we have our fetal doppler, the excitement of hearing the baby’s heartbeat there isn’t as big of a deal, but it’s always nice to have the chance to ask the doctor my random questions. Unlike last time, when literally the only thing I could think of to ask was whether I could eat sausage, I had a small list this time:

• Were these new and changing moles I was getting normal or should I see a dermatologist? (They were fine; I’ve read in multiple places that moles can get darker or more numerous during pregnancy, but it’s always good to have them checked out).
• Were there any yoga moves I shouldn’t be doing during pregnancy? (My doctor asked if I was doing prenatal yoga classes and I said, no, just the yoga on Wii Fit. She said the poses should be fine unless they put too much pressure on my abdomen or cause me to really bear down. As far as poses that start on my back, she said I’d feel it when I shouldn’t be doing those anymore).
• Should I stop drinking my two caffeine-free Diet Cokes a day and cup or two of decaf coffee because of the artificial sweeteners in the soda and small amounts of caffeine in the coffee? (No and no).
• Was my 10-pound weight gain at 16 weeks and 5 days too much? (For now it’s fine, she said, but she added that it should start to taper off. I wonder how or why that would happen, though, since I can’t see myself starting to be less hungry…)

And that was it. The really big part of the visit came at the very end, when we scheduled our next appointment. Yes, four weeks from today, on Feb. 19, we’ll find out the answer to that eternal question: pink or blue?

The Big Picture

No, I don’t actually have a photo to post of our latest awesome ultrasound – we need to scan it and get it digital, but that would mean actually hooking up the scanner, so we’ll see. But we do have a video and photos, and our little one definitely looks like a real baby now! Of course he/she would, but it’s still so hard to imagine that little life growing inside me, heartbeat and all. I can’t wait until I can feel the baby move – now that will be unreal.

We did get to see some cool stuff, though – but no guess on the sex. That’s fine. I can enjoy the anticipation for another 6 weeks or so. We saw the face, nose, mouth, legs, hands and arms (which did a little moving) and a little nubbin of something that will eventually tell us whether we’re having a boy or girl. The baby bounced around a little, too, which was fun to watch.

The good news is that based on the measurements the tech took from the ultrasound, everything looked to be within normal range. We still have to wait on the results from the blood test, which I expect we’ll get Monday or Tuesday at the latest. Then there’s another screening that checks for some more problems during our next visit … it never stops, does it?

Tonight we’re having dinner with one of my old college roommates and her husband. She’s pregnant with her second and about 8 weeks ahead of me, so it will be fun to compare notes and figure out more of what’s ahead. They found out recently that they’re having another boy, and they’re excited. As for me, while I do admit that at first I was really leaning toward wanting a boy for our first, I’m back to really not caring either way. There are so many advantages and fun things about both. Boys could potentially be less drama, but I feel like I could have more in common with a girl and be able to have a closer relationship. But as Andy says, it’s really more about the personality than the gender, and I probably shouldn’t make such big generalizations.

Some of my family members are already talking about planning a shower, though it wouldn’t be until the third trimester. Jewish people (which we are) traditionally don’t have showers, but times are a’changin’ and if someone wants to throw me on, I’m all for it! Andy’s mom will probably do one for his family and then my sister, Shelly and Laurie will do one for my friends. Fun!

Decisions, Decisions

One thing I’ve learned about pregnancy so far is that it is full of decisions. How soon do I take a pregnancy test? When can we tell everyone? What doctor should we use? What should I eat and drink?

Then you have the harder questions, like what kind of prenatal testing do we want, if any?

The question of prenatal testing can be a minefield. You have to ask yourself, if I find out that something is wrong, what might I do about it? Are there situations in which we would consider termination, or is it really just about knowing what’s ahead and being prepared? For Andy and me, it’s most likely the latter, but even that was a tough call to make when we had to decide whether to do the first trimester screening that can find problems like Downs syndrome and neural tube defects.

First, I’m worried about false positives. Apparently these tests are quite accurate, but there is still a 5% chance of the results suggesting a potential problem when really, everything is fine. I can’t imagine having to go through the weeks or months of worry until the results could be confirmed or ruled out by an amnio. I’m especially nervous because my test is scheduled toward the very end of the period in which they typically do the tests, at 11 to 14 weeks. Mine will be at 13 weeks and 4 days, and I’m nervous that my results will come up abnormal, because they judge “normal” base on the typical measurements in that time period. But I guess it’s still within the normal period of time, so I shouldn’t worry, right?

My other thought was that if something is wrong, and we probably wouldn’t “do anything” about it anyway, wouldn’t it be better just to have these next several months being excited and not knowing about the challenges that lie ahead? But the logical side of me just couldn’t go with that kind of thinking. Having the time to prepare, mentally and otherwise (to the extent that you CAN prepare) for a child that is ill or a child with special needs seems to overrule the appeal of having those last few worry-free months. Giving birth to a child who has a problem and having no idea what it is or how to handle it would be so scary. Plus, from what I understand, there are some problems that could require or benefit from special preparations by the hospital before the birth, so that when the baby comes, they can provide specific kinds of care the baby needs.

So we’re having the test done on New Year’s Eve morning. On a positive note, according to the literature my doctor gave me, the test involves not just a blood test but also an ultrasound, which means we’ll get to see our little one again, and this time, he/she will actually look like a baby!!

The ultrasound brings up another – much more fun this time – decision we may have to make. From what I’ve read, it could be possible to determine the sex of the baby even this early! I haven’t even told Andy yet that this is a possibility; I’ll tell him when he gets home from work today. Apparently they can’t always tell, and it’s not always 100% accurate, but a lot of times they can get a pretty good idea! Part of me wants to hold out until 20 weeks and save the anticipation, but another part of me would love to know now. Then we could start saying “he” or “she” instead of it and start identifying with the baby on an entirely new level. Guess we’ll wait and see what happens next week …